I Can See for Miles Read online

  WHEN they reached the picnic area, Mario helped Josh down from Dottie and settled him on one of the blankets Jason and Charlie had strewn around.

  “Greg and I are gonna get us something to eat,” Mario said, slapping a plastic tube into Josh’s palm. “Put some more sunscreen on your nose. You look like my Uncle Willie after a lifetime facedown in the JD bottle.”

  Josh shook his head but didn’t even bother offering a response. He’d met Mario’s uncle on several occasions, and judging by the warmth of his skin under his probing fingers, Mario wasn’t far wrong. Opening the tube, he squeezed a little onto his fingertips and methodically rubbed it into his flesh, ensuring he smoothed some across his cheekbones, too.

  He smiled as Mario and Greg returned with their food and Greg leaned on Josh’s shoulder to ease himself down onto the blanket. Taking the plate brushed against his hand, Josh chuckled at the hiss of complaint from Greg beside him. “What’s up?” Josh asked. “Feeling a little saddle sore?” He feigned pain when his friend punched him playfully in response and Josh picked up another sandwich from his plate. The chicken inside practically melted in his mouth and the crunchy salad leaves released different flavors on his tongue. Turning his head, Josh tried to pick out Charlie’s voice in the cacophony around him but couldn’t. He leaned a little closer to Greg and lowered his voice. “Where’s Charlie?”

  “Why do—?”

  Mario’s inquisition was stopped in its tracks as Greg answered, “He’s sitting by the stream, on his own. Want me to take you over there?” Josh nodded and put his plate down in front of him, holding up his hands for Greg’s assistance.

  Greg walked with Josh over to where Charlie was sitting, squeezed Josh’s elbow before he let it go, and quietly informed him that Charlie was to his right before Josh heard Greg’s muted footfalls in the grass retreating. “Mind if I join you?” Josh asked quietly.

  “Josh… um… no, sure.” Charlie stumbled over the words, and to Josh it sounded as though having him sit with him was the last thing Charlie wanted. But he ignored him, held out his hand, and waited patiently until Charlie gently clasped his fingers and helped him to sit down without the ground rushing up to meet his already tender rump.

  “What do you see?” Josh asked softly, the gentle breeze blowing his bangs across his forehead, cooling and welcome. “Tell me what we’re looking at.” Charlie sighed, a soft sound filled with contentment, and the warmth of it washed over Josh in a wave. Closing his eyes, he waited for Charlie to paint him a picture.

  “The river runs the length of the woods, widening out into the lake and then flowing off into smaller streams before it joins the bigger river at the south end of the valley,” Charlie began, his voice sounding almost lyrical. “The stream is about four feet across. It deepens suddenly after about a foot in from the edge, which can take you by surprise. The water is so clear it kind of lulls you into a false sense of security, almost hypnotizing you when the sun falls on the surface. The river bed is full of rocks and stones, and some of the trees have actually grown together, their branches meeting in the middle, so some parts of it are shaded from the sun.”

  “Are there fish?” Josh asked.

  “Yeah,” Charlie replied. “This far down are usually just little fish, what I like to call ‘nibbly fish’ because when I used to sit with my feet dangling in the water as a kid, they’d nibble my toes.”

  Josh smiled softly at the images his mind conjured up—a miniature version of the man beside him kicking, splashing, and skimming stones on the surface of the cool water. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Depends on what it is,” Charlie drawled, taking the lid off his soda, the hiss of the gas inside bouncing off Josh’s eardrums.

  “How much of that description was what you actually saw, and how much was from memory?” Josh didn’t miss Charlie’s gasp, and he knew he’d been right. The pauses and the intonation of Charlie’s voice had given him away, but then Josh had been looking for any signs. From the moment Charlie had been unable to immediately answer Davey’s question about the eagles, Josh had known something was wrong.

  “How?” Charlie’s tone was confused and disbelieving all at the same time.

  “I’m not just a pretty face,” Josh replied, reaching out his hand until it came into contact with Charlie’s denim-clad thigh. He felt Charlie tense at his touch, but he didn’t remove his fingers. “How bad is it today?”

  Another long pause, but Josh wasn’t going anywhere. “It comes and goes,” Charlie finally confessed. “Today I have about 20 percent in my left eye, and my right is at about 40 percent. But I don’t understand… how could you know I was describing it from memory?”

  Shrugging, Josh removed his hand from Charlie’s thigh and lowered himself down to one elbow, his long fingers tangling in the blades of grass he was lying on. “Just a hunch. You started off okay, but then the tone of your voice changed, became wistful, I guess, like when you’re seeing something in your mind’s eye.” Josh took another deep breath and lifted his head to look straight in front of him. “What’s the next step?”

  “Josh. I’m not really comfortable with personal stuff,” Charlie murmured, starting when Josh moved closer, close enough to feel Charlie’s breath on his skin.

  “Charlie,” Josh said, low enough for only Charlie to hear. “You’ve had your tongue in my mouth, and I can still feel your hands in my hair. I think I’m already personal stuff.” Josh moved away just as smoothly, hoping to God Charlie couldn’t hear the pounding of his heart within his chest. He had felt the warmth from Charlie’s flesh close to his face and wanted to lean in just that little bit more and press his lips to the soft skin so badly that it stole his breath.

  “You’re not going to give up, are you?” Charlie sighed heavily at the shake of Josh’s head. “I have an appointment on Wednesday with my doctor. I don’t really know the next step until I see him. But I’m not expecting him to tell me anything I want to hear.”

  “My momma always says that you have to play the cards you’re dealt. That God never gives us more than we can bear,” Josh said, leaning closer again, wanting to make sure Charlie heard every word. “Just with the sound of your voice, I can see everything you just described, and more besides, you know? Like all the little things I probably wouldn’t have ever noticed if I could still see. You’re so lucky, Charlie.” He reached out, and his heart leapt with hope when Charlie put a hand in his. “The people that come through this camp would give their eyeteeth to have the sights you have stored away in that beautiful head of yours. Whether your vision is at forty, twenty, or zero, all you have to do is close your eyes and you can see for miles.”

  The silence between them seemed to last forever, and Josh thought he had gone too far until Charlie’s fingers tightened on his. He knew he could be a little intense at times, but he’d meant every word. His own sense memory was filled with cities and buildings and suburban streets. To have the kind of images Charlie had stored away must be amazing. He was glad of his spidey-senses as he felt Charlie’s gaze on his face, like a caress, and he couldn’t help but smile.

  “What?” Charlie questioned.

  “Are you checking me out again?” Josh teased in an attempt to lighten the moment, but Charlie’s response sent his stomach heading toward his shoes.

  “Josh… don’t… please.”

  “Boy,” Josh said lifting a hand and running it through his thick dark hair, unaware that Charlie’s gaze followed his movement. “Whoever he was, he must have really hurt you. That sucks, Charlie, and I’m sorry.” Josh eased himself to his feet and looked down at Charlie, his gaze tinged with sadness. “But you’re not the only one.”

  “Josh—”

  “Come on, everybody,” Jason’s voice boomed around them, cutting Charlie off. “Let’s get back on those horses and make our way back down the other side of the valley to camp. Then I believe we’ve got some swimming in the lake to do this afternoon.”

  Josh could feel Charlie watching
him as he walked back the way he’d come, grateful for Greg’s fingers on his elbow when he met Josh halfway and guided him back to Mario and the horses. How the hell would he make Charlie believe that whatever this thing between them was deserved a chance?

  Chapter Seven

  WHEN they reached the stables, Charlie instructed Jason to take everyone up to the main house and get Tom and Mike to take them down to the lake, while he helped the two stable hands sort the horses.

  “Are you okay?” Jason asked, bending his head and speaking softly into Charlie’s ear.

  “Yeah, I’m fine, just a little headache. Get everyone back to the house, and get the others to take them all down to the lake. I’ll join you when I’ve got the horses and the tack sorted out,” Charlie replied, leading Aramis into his stall.

  “Charlie,” Jason said, his voice filled with concern. “Why don’t you let me stay and help the guys and you can go up to the house?”

  “I’ll lend a hand,” Mario said quietly from the stable doorway, his blue eyes gazing into Charlie’s. “Greg and Chad can help you with the others.” Jason looked at Charlie and, at his hesitant nod, turned and left the stable. “I’ll get the others in and unsaddled,” Mario said with an inclination of his head.

  Charlie nodded. “Okay, thanks. If we get them all unsaddled, Russ and Pete will rub them down. But I like to take care of Aramis myself.” Charlie gently murmured to Aramis as he rubbed him down. Easing the brush over Aramis in long rhythmic sweeps, Charlie smiled at the gentle puffs of air the horse blew out in appreciation of his ministrations.

  “He’s beautiful,” Mario said softly, smiling apologetically when Charlie started at the sound of his voice. “Sorry, didn’t mean to creep up on you. All the others are in their stalls.”

  “Thanks for that, Mario.” Charlie replied, acknowledging the older man with a nod of his head. “I haven’t really had a chance to talk with you much since you got here. It’s always busy when we’ve got a full house.”

  “Well, it would be pretty hard to get past Davey where you’re concerned,” Mario chuckled. “He’s like your very own four-foot bodyguard.”

  “Yeah, he’s quite a kid.” Charlie glanced at Mario leaning casually against the stall door, his gaze narrow as he studied Charlie from beneath lowered lashes. Charlie had to give the other man his due. Mario definitely wasn’t hiding the fact that he was summing him up. When the silence became so heavy Charlie thought it was going to crush him, he sighed. “Are you going to give me the best friend speech?”

  “I’m sorry, I don’t follow….”

  “I assume you’re looking at me like you want to pound my face because Josh told you what happened earlier. I thought you came in here to give me the ‘if you hurt him, you’ll have me to deal with’ speech,” Charlie said, wishing his voice had sounded more sarcastic and cocksure than tired and defeated.

  “Do I need to?” Mario raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

  “No… you don’t. He’s a nice guy, and in another lifetime I’d be kicking myself for this, but I’m really not interested.” Charlie resumed his brushing, the softness of Aramis’s hair tickling his palm.

  “Ah… so you don’t mind making money from the sightless, but getting saddled with one day in and day out’s a horse of a different color, huh?” Mario drawled sarcastically.

  “What?” Charlie spun on his heels and stared at Mario, utterly incredulous. “You’re kidding me, right? You think I care that he’s blind?”

  “If the shoe fits….” Mario trailed off.

  “I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous in my entire life. How dare you judge me? How dare you put me in a box and tell me how I do and do not feel? You don’t know anything about me,” Charlie said, anger in every syllable.

  “Very true,” Mario said, holding up the palm of his hand to stem Charlie’s flow of words. “And you don’t know anything about Josh. Don’t you think you should find out if he’s tarred with the same brush as whoever it is you’re running away from before you judge him?”

  “Mario—” Charlie sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair. “—he’s your friend. I get it, and I know I’m probably being unfair to both of us. But look at me.” He held his hands out to the side. “In a few days, I’ll find out whether or not I’m going to be completely blind myself. What can I offer him if that happens?”

  “Jeez, Charlie. You’re getting a little ahead of yourself, don’t you think?” Mario said softly. “I mean, you’ve known each other for almost two days. I was thinking more along the lines of having a beer and getting to know each other a little more, not moving in together. Look,” he said as he crossed the stall and patted Charlie’s shoulder reassuringly, “I’ve been with Josh every step of the way since the accident. I was there when he woke up and found himself in the dark. I was the one holding his hand when they told him it was permanent. It was me who bathed him and washed his hair on those days when he couldn’t push through the fog of despair he was surrounded by. I was the one who told him Alec wasn’t coming back and held him through the tears, night after night. And it was me who thought I’d never again see the light in his eyes I saw the moment he heard your voice.” Mario smiled gently at the man in front of him. “All I’m saying is, if you’re gonna live your life on a whole lot of ‘what ifs’, then that’s not any kind of living at all.”

  Charlie watched Mario walk out of the stables and leaned his forehead on Aramis’s neck. His eyes ached, and his head was starting to throb. He hadn’t been lying about that part. It seemed like the farther away from Josh he tried to get, the more outside forces, one of them Josh himself, conspired to push them together. After packing away the brushes and combs and closing the stall door behind him, Charlie made his way through the courtyard and up to the house. Maybe they were right. He’d practically been judge, jury, and executioner and already had Josh on the gallows as a complete asshole, without giving him the benefit of the doubt.

  He stopped in his tracks when he saw Josh sitting on the porch swing, gently rocking it to and fro with his feet, feet that were bare except for a pair of flip-flops. Charlie swallowed as his gaze slowly drifted up Josh’s bare legs to his long navy shorts, then his bare chest and the towel draped around his neck. He watched as Josh smirked and tilted his head.

  “One of these days you’re going to admit you’re checking me out,” Josh said, his Texan drawl more pronounced in his teasing.

  “Never,” Charlie snorted inelegantly. “Shouldn’t you be down at the lake with everyone else?”

  “I thought I’d better wait here and see if you survived.”

  “Huh?”

  “I assume you were Mario’d in the stables. I just wanted you to know it wasn’t my doing.” Josh said, a smile curving his lips. “He’s got a lot of muscles for a mother hen, but that’s exactly what he is.”

  “He loves you,” Charlie said softly. “And don’t worry; I’ll live to fight another day.”

  “So…,” Josh said, holding on to the arm of the swing and pulling himself to his feet. “You going to show me where the lake is? Or do I just keep walking until my feet get wet?”

  “Who’s Alec?” Charlie asked and then wished he could take it back when the smile dropped immediately from Josh’s lips and a dark shadow crossed his face.

  “No one important,” Josh replied brusquely. “Go on, get your stuff, and I’ll wait here for you.”

  “Okay,” Charlie replied. He could tell from the tone of Josh’s voice that the subject had been very firmly closed, so he went into the house and up into his room to quickly change. Grabbing a clean towel and draping it around his shoulders, he slipped his bare feet into his battered sneakers and rejoined Josh on the porch. “Are you ready?” At Josh’s nod, he took Josh’s hand and put it to his elbow, enjoying the warmth of Josh’s fingers on his skin as they walked down the trail leading to the lake. “So, have you been swimming since the accident?” Charlie asked in an attempt to make conversation.

  Josh shoo
k his head, and his fingers tightened on Charlie’s elbow when they heard the sound of the children’s laughter and their enthusiastic splashing as they neared the lake. “Um… no. Actually,” Josh said suddenly, turning his head to look at Charlie, “could you get Greg or Mario? I need to go back to the cabin.”

  “What? Why?” Charlie asked, a frown creasing his brow when he saw beads of sweat on Josh’s forehead. “Josh? Are you okay?” The tall man had gone decidedly white, and Charlie brought them to a stop, reached up, and wiped the moisture from Josh’s skin. He could feel the tremors that coursed through Josh, and it hit him—the man was on the verge of a panic attack. “Josh.” Charlie said, keeping his voice soft but firm as he reached up to cup Josh’s face in his hands. “Listen to me. I want you to concentrate on my voice. Can you do that?”

  “I just… need to… get back,” Josh said, his breath coming in short gasps. “Stupid… to think I… could do it. Fucking idiot. Have to be the big man… have to push… prove I’m not… useless.”

  Charlie moved his thumbs across Josh’s cheekbones gently. “Josh, listen to me. Breathe slowly, in through your nose and out through your mouth. Do it with me, come on. You don’t want the kids to see you like this. You don’t want Rosie to see her hero has feet of clay, do you?” His tone was teasing, but he was terrified someone would actually come up the trail and find Josh in this state. He knew Josh would be absolutely mortified if any of the kids saw him. Looking around them, he gently guided Josh through the trees off the trail and sat him down on the nearest log he could find.

  “Sorry… Charlie,” Josh panted. “The water… shouldn’t have pushed… I can’t….”

  “His name was Brian,” Charlie suddenly said, not really knowing what he was doing, just knowing he had to get Josh to concentrate on something besides his own racing heart. “We worked together. You know, typical office romance, after-hours meetings that went on until breakfast. It was great, really great. I mean, I always knew he had a little bit of a temper, and he was a mean-mouthed drunk, but he was always sorry, and I always swept it under the carpet. Stupid, I know… but he wasn’t violent, not at first, and he was always so sorry.” He looked up to see Josh frowning at him, his breathing still fast but his eyes less glazed as he listened to Charlie’s voice.