I Can See for Miles Read online

  Are we going to talk about the touching?

  “No,” Charlie hissed to his inner voice, the sound of his own voice startling him, not realizing he’d spoken aloud. He didn’t even want to think about the touching. Didn’t want to think about the stirring the slide of Josh’s long fingers had awoken, the longing to have those fingers on him again.

  He’s not Brian.

  “How do you know? Just because he’s blind doesn’t mean he’s not an asshole,” Charlie grumbled back. Great, talking to yourself in the middle of the night. That’s totally balanced.

  Are you so afraid of being hurt that you won’t even take a chance on being happy when it’s right there in front of your face?

  Sighing heavily, Charlie allowed his mind to drift, his fingers tracing the shape of the scar beneath his hairline. Not even his mother knew the extent of Brian’s abuse. Charlie had been strong enough to leave before the physical stuff had gotten too bad, but the scar on his head wasn’t the only one he bore. The mental scars would take a lot more than a few stitches and a Band-Aid to heal.

  Brian had been the chief architect at Gentles & Mitchell, and Charlie had been on his team. Suffice it to say that after one too many late-night meetings, one thing had led to another, and they started dating, had been dating for nearly two years before he’d first noticed something wrong with his eyes. Charlie knew Brian loved him, in his own way, but he had a mean streak a mile wide. There had been little hints of this streak before Charlie’s sight began to fail, jibes and a couple of heated arguments that ended in Brian striking him. But of course there had followed the usual apologies and promises it would never happen again. Like a fool, Charlie believed him.

  To the outside world, they looked like the perfect couple. Brian was supportive and always there for Charlie. He attended hospital appointments, waited patiently in the waiting room with Sharon and Bill while Charlie had his first few surgeries, even cried with them every time they were told the surgery had been a success. Until the cataracts grew back the second time, and the third. Until Charlie became less than Brian thought he should be. That’s when the vicious side of Brian came to the fore—when they were alone.

  While Charlie was out, Brian would move the furniture around, just so he could watch Charlie bump into things. That gave Brian the opportunity to belittle him, call him clumsy, ask him why he couldn’t look where he was going. He started going out on his own, telling Charlie there was no point in going with him, because he didn’t want to have to lead Charlie around all night like some sort of fucked-up seeing-eye dog. He’d come home stinking of alcohol and sex, then rip and pull at Charlie, ignoring Charlie’s complaints, holding him down, telling him to be quiet and take it like a good little dog.

  The scar had happened during that final argument, when Charlie had told Brian he was leaving. That he was going home for a while. That he needed to get his head together, to come to terms with the fact that he could go blind, and he needed to decide what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. Brian had been fuming, ranting and raving that Charlie couldn’t be the one to finish it. He wasn’t going to be cast aside by a defective pretty boy who couldn’t see his hand in front of his face. Charlie wasn’t leaving until Brian told him he could go.

  Charlie had spent the rest of the evening in the ER, having the cut on his head stitched. The cut he’d received when Brian had punched him and sent him reeling into the glass coffee table, hitting his head on the corner before the glass had shattered beneath him. Charlie had called Maggie, and she had picked him up and taken him to the ER, returning with her then-boyfriend, who was a rather large biker, to pick up Charlie’s clothes. Said boyfriend kept a watchful eye on Brian to make sure the man didn’t move a muscle when Maggie hauled off and punched him in the mouth before they left.

  So… no. He wasn’t willing to take a chance on being happy, wasn’t willing to do that to himself or anyone else—not when he didn’t know how long it would be before he couldn’t even make out shapes anymore.

  Glancing up the trail he knew ended at cabin seven, he tried not to let his last thoughts before he drifted off to sleep on the porch swing be of soft fingers, deep hazel eyes, and a warm, rich laugh—at least he tried to.

  Chapter Five

  “WHAT do you think? Should we shave his eyebrows?”

  “Nah, he’s too pretty to disfigure. Let’s take his pants off.”

  “I still think my idea is the best.”

  “We are not staking him naked to an ant hill and covering him with honey, Michael.”

  “Not if you want to keep your job and your balls,” Charlie drawled, opening his eyes slowly and reaching out to the table next to the swing for his glasses. Pushing them up onto his nose, Charlie looked up at Jason, Maggie, Tom, and Mike standing over him. “What time is it?”

  “Never mind that,” Maggie said sternly, her hands resting on her hips as she stared down at him. “What are you doing sleeping on the swing again?”

  “I like the sounds of the forest—helps me sleep,” Charlie said on a yawn before poking his tongue out at Maggie.

  “You disturb me,” Mike said, shaking his head slowly.

  Easing himself off the swing and stretching, feeling his back complain loudly and his neck muscles spasm, Charlie groaned. “This from the man who wears his underwear for three days in a row?”

  “I do not—” Mike shrugged. “Nah, you got me… but I turn them inside out,” he added, as if that made it all right.

  Maggie looked pointedly at Mike and raised an eyebrow. “Never stand next to me again,” she said, her tone filled with condescension.

  “Don’t worry, honey,” Jason drawled, wrapping his long arms around her tiny frame and hugging her close. “I always change mine.” He kissed Maggie tenderly. Charlie smiled at the exchange. When he opened the camp, he’d called Maggie and asked her if she wanted a whole new life. Little did she know she would get a job she loved and find a husband in the bargain.

  “That’s one of the reasons I picked you and not Mike.” Maggie said with a smile, kissing Jason back. “Well, that and the fact I couldn’t marry someone whose balls are smaller than mine.”

  “Hey,” Mike shot back. “I resemble that remark.”

  Charlie smiled at the playful banter between his friends and colleagues and yawned again. “Okay… enough bonding… we have breakfasts to get on and a pony trek to organize.

  “Oh yeah,” Tom drawled. “Josh was saying last night how much he’s looking forward to the pony trek.” He grinned widely at Charlie and waggled his eyebrows.

  Charlie ignored him and walked into the house, carrying the blanket he’d been using over his shoulder. He jogged quickly up the stairs and into his bedroom, turning on the shower to warm up while he stripped off his clothes. Climbing in under the warm spray, he sighed as the water ran in rivulets across his skin, easing the tension in his neck. He really should take Maggie’s advice and stop sleeping on that swing. Charlie washed and rinsed himself quickly, then opened the shower door and reached around for a towel.

  “Shit,” he muttered aloud. Without his glasses he was practically already blind, and he’d left them on the dresser in the bedroom. Sighing gratefully when his hand came into contact with the fluffy softness of the elusive towel, he pulled it toward him and rubbed it over his eyes as if doing that would get rid of the clouds across his vision. Charlie pressed his thumb and forefinger on the bridge of his nose. He could feel a headache looming, the dull throb of it in the back of his skull like a distant drum.

  Opening the medicine cabinet on the wall, his fingers going there with the ease of familiarity, he found the bottle of eye drops he was looking for by touch alone. The third bottle from the left on the second shelf, exactly where it should be. Charlie tipped his head back and squeezed the bulb on the dropper to pull some of the clear fluid up into the vial. Raising his arm, he very slowly and carefully put two drops into each eye, blinking hastily. Hoping that they would be enough to make the clouds dis
sipate a little, Charlie opened the bathroom door and stepped back into his bedroom to get his pills on the dresser.

  Unfortunately, he didn’t make it that far. Just as he stepped out of his bathroom, he collided with a very solid object. An object that said, “Ommph!” on a rush of breath, then reached out and made a grab at Charlie to keep his balance, just before they both fell clumsily to the floor. Whoever it was managed to turn at the last minute so Charlie ended up sprawled on top of a very warm body with his towel half-on, half-off and two large hands cupping the globes of his naked ass.

  “Are you okay—whoever you are?”

  Charlie wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear. Of course, it was Josh. Who else would it be? Josh was already in negotiations with his parents for Charlie’s hand in marriage. It was only right that he should have his hands on Charlie’s naked ass in his bedroom. “Yes… are you?”

  “Charlie? Yeah… took the wind out of my sails, but I’m okay.” Josh coughed and cleared his throat. “You’re naked.” It wasn’t a question.

  “Um… yeah. I was coming out of the shower. I didn’t see you,” Charlie said softly, all too aware of the proximity of Josh’s hard chest against his and the hands that still appeared to be on his ass. “What are you doing up here?”

  “I was looking for the bathroom. I think I must have misunderstood Mike and Tom’s directions,” Josh said apologetically. “Do you want me to take my hands off your ass now?”

  “If you wouldn’t mind,” Charlie replied, trying to keep his tone as even as possible. His eyes narrowed. He didn’t think for one minute that Josh had misunderstood anything. Mike and Tom were dead. “If you just let go, I can get up and then give you a hand.”

  “God… I’m sorry,” Josh said quickly, removing his hands and holding them up in a “don’t shoot me” gesture. Charlie stood up and secured his towel more firmly before curling his fingers around Josh’s hands and hauling him to his feet. “Thanks, Charlie. I guess I’ll just go back the way I came.”

  “Fine,” Charlie said, glad Josh couldn’t see the flush in his cheeks. “Do you need help?”

  “No, I’m good. I’ll just see you downstairs for breakfast in a bit.” Charlie watched Josh slowly cross the room until his fingers brushed the bedroom door, knowing by the slight movement of Josh’s lips that he was counting his footsteps. When Josh reached the door he paused and looked back over his shoulder, chuckling softly. “I’m guessing Mike and Tom are gonna get stuck with mucking out the horses today?”

  “For a blind boy, you see things pretty clearly, Mr. Donald,” Charlie said with a smile playing around his own lips.

  “Why, thank you, Mr. Cooper, and by the way,” Josh tossed over his shoulder as he walked out into the hall, “nice ass.”

  FIFTEEN minutes later, a fully clothed Charlie joined everyone else in the large dining room downstairs. His vision had cleared a little, but one eye was still worse than the other. His glasses compensated for that, and he pushed them farther onto his nose. Walking quickly across the room to help Maggie and the others with breakfast, Charlie glared at Tom and Mike as they passed him carrying bowls of cereal for the kids.

  “I will deal with you two later,” he hissed in a quiet voice, glancing over his shoulder to make sure no one could hear.

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about, boss,” Mike said, his face the picture of innocence as he crossed the room to the tables.

  “Come on, Charlie, we just thought you could use a hand,” Tom said softly, placing his hand on the small of Charlie’s back and leaning in close to his ear. “Don’t deny that you like him, buddy boy.”

  “Tom, not now, okay… just… not now.” Charlie sighed, picking up a platter of bacon to carry to one of the tables. “Don’t I have enough to contend with? My mother has already picked out her hat for the wedding, and now I have you breathing down my neck?”

  Tom looked down at his friend, concern in his blue eyes. Charlie and Tom had become close in the two years the other man had worked for him, and Charlie knew his intentions were good, but he wished everyone would just stop pushing. “Okay, Charlie. Chill… let’s get their first day under way. Don’t have a meltdown.”

  Once everyone else had enough food, the guides and Charlie sat down at the long table to start their own breakfast. While they ate, Charlie chatted amiably with Davey on one side of him and Chad on the other. Looking around at the assembled group, Charlie smiled as he noted Adam was sitting next to Sophia, her brown head bent toward his tiny blond one. Rosie was sitting in between Josh and Mario, which he couldn’t help chuckling over because the size discrepancy was rather noticeable with the little girl squashed in between the two big men. Katie and Greta, Sophia’s mother, appeared to be getting on like a house on fire, which left Frankie, eight years old, sitting in between his parents, concentrating on his breakfast.

  Charlie frowned; it wasn’t like Frankie to be so shy. The little boy had come up with his parents for a day visit two or three times before deciding he wanted to spend a whole week, and he had been outgoing and vivacious. It concerned him that Frankie should be so quiet on his first day. Charlie chewed a slice of crispy bacon thoughtfully and watched Frankie get up and go outside. Hearing the porch swing creak, he picked up what was left of his breakfast and went to join the little boy.

  “Hey, Frankie,” Charlie said softly, sitting on the swing beside him. “Are you looking forward to getting on a horse again? I’ve asked Jason to get Peanut ready for you. He’s your favorite, isn’t he?” Frankie’s thin shoulders lifted as he shrugged. “You look sad, dude. Do you want to talk about it? ’Cause if you’re worried about something, if you tell me, maybe I can fix it.”

  “You can’t fix this,” Frankie said solemnly.

  “See, now all you’ve done is make me want to fix it even more. So why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you and let me decide whether I can help.”

  “I heard you talking yesterday, and you said you might go completely blind, like me and Davey and Rosie. But if you do….” He paused, his breath hitching in his throat. “If you do… where will we go? If you can’t see, you won’t be able to keep the camp open, and I don’t want to go back to sitting in my room, Charlie… I don’t.”

  Charlie took a deep breath, remembering his speech to Sophia yesterday. He was so stupid, he admonished himself. He should have saved that for a private time and not said it in front of the kids. But then, shielding them from the outside world didn’t do them any good either.

  “Wow,” he said quietly. “Okay, dude. Why don’t you come over here and sit on my lap?” He waited until Frankie shuffled toward him a little, then lifted the small boy easily onto his lap and leaned back on the swing. “Listen, buddy. You’re right, I can’t fix that. I don’t know what the doctors are going to be able to do for me, or how long I will still be able to see. That’s the part I can’t fix. But I want you to understand that even if I can’t see, that doesn’t mean I’ll close the camp. The camp and me will always be here.”

  “But you’re our guide… how will you be able to take us around if you can’t see?” Frankie sniveled.

  “That’s easy. I grew up in these woods. Remember me telling you that my mom and dad’s farm is just the other side of the valley? Well, I can walk through these woods and these trails with my eyes shut and never miss a step.” Charlie leaned his head on the little boy’s soft hair, deeply touched that Frankie was worried about him. “I know where every rabbit hole is, every fox den, every badger set. I know where all the pony trails are—hell, I betcha Peanut could walk the trail all by himself too! So you know what you can do for me this week?” Frankie shook his head. “You can have a wonderful time. We’ve got so much going on, so much planned for you. So how about you go back in there and finish the Cocoa Puffs that Mike brought you—’cause you know he really wanted them for himself—and then we can get this party started?” He brushed Frankie’s auburn hair from his forehead and smiled softly. “What do you say?”
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  Frankie lifted his arms, and Charlie leaned forward so the little boy could wrap them around his neck. “I can do that, Charlie. I’ll do it for you.” Frankie hugged Charlie tightly, then jumped down off his lap. Charlie waited as the boy felt his way along the wall to the screen door, opened it and closed it gently behind him, before he let go of the breath he’d been holding. Closing his eyes against the sting of tears, Charlie ran a shaking hand through his hair and attempted to regain his composure.

  “You’re really good with kids,” Josh said softly, making Charlie turn swiftly in his seat. “I just came out for a bit of air and caught your conversation. You were so focused on Frankie that you didn’t hear me come out. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.”

  “That’s okay,” Charlie said, getting to his feet. “Frankie’s a sweet kid. I don’t want anyone not to enjoy their stay.”

  “Does that include me?” Josh asked quietly. “’Cause I’ve got a few concerns of my own.”

  “Such as?” Charlie replied, his gaze traveling over the taller man’s lean and muscled body, his cheeks flushing at the liberty he was taking.

  “Are you checking me out?” Josh drawled, his head tilting to one side as he looked in the direction of Charlie’s voice.

  “No…,” Charlie trailed off, his cheeks aflame. “What are your concerns, Josh?”

  “Do I get to sit on your lap while I tell you?”

  “Josh,” Charlie’s tone was warning.

  “Sorry….” Josh held up his hands and chuckled. “It’s like this. I was wondering if you would take me to see the horses before we saddle up. You know… so I don’t… um… cry like a little girl in front of the kids.”

  Charlie’s lips parted on an “Oh” of surprise as he studied the large man’s face for any lie behind his statement, and he found none. “Josh? Are you saying you’re afraid of horses?”

  “No! No! I’ve been on a horse before, but that was, well… you know… before. So I’m kinda nervous. Oh hell yeah, maybe… just a little. But Mario and Greg were so excited about the whole pony trekking thing, I didn’t have the heart to tell them I was scared shitless when I could see.” Josh’s shoulders slumped in defeat. “I know, I’m a wuss. I just thought if I had a heads-up, it wouldn’t be so bad. I mean, since we are engaged to be married, and I’ve felt you up and everything—I figured you wouldn’t mind helping me out.”